3 C-bombs, 2 F-bombs and 1 Word That Rhymes with 'Bank'

This week marked a bit of a milestone for me  - my 100th Celebration of Life.

One hundred families. One hundred stories. One hundred ways of saying goodbye.

And if I had a pound for every time someone has asked me, “Can we do that?!”  in a ceremony - I’d be a very rich woman indeed.

Because the answer, almost always, is yes.

Yes, you can choose that song.

Yes, you can include that story.

Yes, you can make people laugh and cry in the same breath.

Yes, you can even arrive in the first digger you ever bought  - or be heralded up the crematorium drive by a jazz band.

The beauty of a celebrant-led service is that it can be as unique, funny, heartfelt, loud, quiet, traditional or completely off-the-wall as the person it’s for.

Which brings me neatly to that title: in my 100 ceremonies so far, I’ve dropped three C-bombs*, two F-bombs and, just this week, one word that rhymes with 'Bank'.

Now before anyone clutches their pearls  - let me explain. Those words weren’t mine. They were part of people’s stories, told exactly how their families wanted them told.

A well-placed expletive can sum someone up better than a thousand polite adjectives ever could. It can tell you everything about their humour, their honesty, their edge  - and if it fits, it belongs there.

Of course, not every ceremony needs a swear word to make its mark. Sometimes the biggest laughs come from an unexpected song choice instead. Over the years I’ve sent people out to everything from Frank Sinatra to The Wurzels’ 'I’ve Got a Brand New Combine Harvester'  - with the chapel attendant gleefully turning up the volume.

Because that’s the point  - it’s not about rules or formality or what anyone else thinks should happen. It’s about the person we’re there to honour and the family and friends who loved them.

A hundred ceremonies have shown it time and time again  - every life has its own rhythm, its own voice, its own stories, its own way of being celebrated.

A hundred ceremonies prove it just as clearly  - there’s no single way to say goodbye, only the way that feels right for them.

A hundred ceremonies have also reminded me of this  - I can’t do anything about the fact that someone has died, but I can do everything about making sure their life is celebrated well.

If you'd like to plan an utterly unique celebration of life - funeral, cremation, burial, memorial or ash ceremony, call / message me on 07768 245000, email love@allyourlove.co.uk or book me through your Funeral Director.

💛 Claire Vickery 💛

Celebrant, All Your Love

If you enjoyed this, you might like Confessions of a Celebrant too.

*Excerpt of his 'Story of Life' (Eulogy) reproduced with the kind (and proud!) permission of Harry’s family:

…His beard is also worth a mention. He started with the traditionally full beard and moustache combo which, over time, reduced to just a beard.

One day he was in a hurry and tried to cut in line in the traffic. Another driver who wasn’t in the least bit happy with this manoeuvre carefully explained to Harry, in no uncertain terms, that not only did he drive like a C ***, but he looked like one too! Harry looked in the mirror, laughed and, deciding the man was right, went straight home, shaved it off and never grew it back again…